“I love you. Yes, YOU, in all of your mess. With all of your deepest, darkest secrets that you don’t want anyone to know about. I love you in the madness, in the chaos, in the mess of it all. I love you in all of your forgetfulness, in the hiccups of life. I love YOU. You are My child, and I love you. Nothing can stop My love. Nothing can separate you from My love. I’m not ashamed of you when you make mistakes. Don’t believe that lie. I’m not ashamed of you when you make mistakes in My Name. Don’t believe that, either. At least you step out in faith and try. My love is bigger than that, stronger than that. My love is not like human love. Don’t compare Me to that. Human love is weak and fickle. My love is everlasting. My love is strong, enduring, unstoppable, unfathomable. My love is found in waves of glory. There is nothing like My love in all of the world. Why do you search the world for it? You won’t find it there. My love is unlike any human or anything you will find in the world. My love is relentless and is in constant pursuit of you. Yes, YOU. I don’t just love the pastor and the strong Christian that you think spends hours of time in prayer with Me. I love YOU, and I long for YOU. How about you set aside your doubts and questions and wondering and take Me at My Word? 🙂 Believe Me when I say I love you even though you believe your life is a mess. Believe Me when I say I love you even though you harbor secrets you don’t want anyone to know about. Yes, I know. I see them, and I love you, anyway. You don’t have to worry about Me. I’m the one constant in your life. I won’t leave you, betray you, use your secrets against you like people will. That’s not what My love is about. You can trust Me. You don’t have to fear My love. My love is supernatural. My love is pure. I won’t hurt you. Rest in Me and let Me show you what true love is like. My arms are wide open. Let Me show you the meaning of true love and what it means to be safe. Trust Me and trust the safety of My embrace. Trust Me and let Me walk you through this life and through true surrender. You don’t have to hide behind your fears and pain anymore. Come out of hiding and walk into the safety of My embrace and feel what freedom is truly like!”

“I will do amazing things.  I have great plans to do many amazing things that you have not seen before and you cannot comprehend.  I want to pour out My Spirit in an unprecedented measure, even more than I’ve done before.  Do not doubt, but only believe.  There are miracles I want to perform that you have not yet seen.  I want to do many signs and wonders and I need My Church to believe because I’ll work through you to do it.    Many do not believe in My power and many ministers do not preach about My power and even teach that it has passed away, but without faith it is impossible to please Me.  You must believe My Word and trust what I say.  Don’t look at the circumstances in the world and the state of the Church and think that I cannot do it.  I Am God!  I will do what I said I will do.  I am waiting on My Church!  Believe My Word, walk in righteousness and do what I have said!  Do what I have called you to do!  Some of you will have to go against the grain. You will have to go against your own families and acceptable way things are done in the Church.  I have called you to be pioneers and trailblazers for My Kingdom.  The traditions of men make the Word of God of none effect. Things cannot be done the same as before, for it is no longer fruitful for My Kingdom.  Follow My Spirit and be obedient to fulfill your assignments exactly as I tell you to do them. There is no time for disobedience, for the hour is urgent.  For those who reject My calling, I WILL find someone who will be obedient and accept the call, however, there will be a price to pay for rejecting Me.  There is no longer time to hold back out of fear, for the spiritual hour that is upon you is urgent, and it is already here!  The callings and assignments MUST be fulfilled!  I am calling and raising up many, many in this hour to go into the dark places that have not been trod before.  It is time to take My Gospel to the four corners of the Earth, for I am coming soon.  You will see My Gospel spread faster than you have ever seen it before.  Be ready!  This is not a time to sleep or slumber or be lax in your callings.  Be vigilant, My people, for I am coming and it won’t be long!”

God’s Faithfulness Through My DARKEST Night

Written by Marjorie Shull

                  Many of you are aware of the traumatic season my husband, John, and I went through when we lost my parents.  Many have wondered how I am doing and how I have made it through…. how I seem to be doing well so quickly.  I have decided to write my story as a testament of God’s faithfulness.  I am writing this to give God glory for His miraculous work during the DARKEST time of my life and to possibly help someone else who might be going through a trying time.

If you are dealing with a loss, or anything tragic, and feel like you can’t bear it any longer…. hold on.  God will see you through.

                  Most of you know that John and I lived with my parents for 2 years and 10 months while being their caregivers.  My mama was sick for fifteen (15) years and my father took care of her, while dealing with his own health issues.  The last several years, my daddy also had a home health care agency coming in a couple times a week to help.

Our caregiving journey began the night of December 25, 2011.  John and I visited my parents’ house Christmas morning, as his side of the family would be gathering at Ernest and Mimi’s house (John’s maternal grandparents) for our traditional Christmas dinner.  While at my parents’ house, it was obvious my father wasn’t doing well.  We were concerned, so we excused ourselves early from the Christmas dinner to return to my parents’ house and check on them.

Upon arrival, we discovered my father had injured himself.  John bandaged him up and we decided to spend the night.  I stayed awake for as long as physically possible to keep an eye on Daddy until I fell out at 3:00 am.

On December 26, 2011, I awoke to a representative from the home health agency telling me that she found my father passed out on the front porch.  Guilt immediately began flooding my mind.  I thought that if I had just stayed up, I could have prevented this from happening.

The health care representative helped my father into the house.  We called 911.

And our journey began……

John and I thought that Daddy would only be in the hospital for a couple of days and then be released to go home.  We stayed at their house to take care of Mama.  Then, we received news from the doctor that it was a case of DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis), as well as other complications.  The doctor explained that for my father to live, they had to do a procedure that he may or may not survive.  They would have to cut off his breathing for a time.  John and I spoke with Mama and released the doctors to do whatever they had to do to save Daddy’s life.

What we thought would be a two-day hospital stay turned into three weeks, followed by the news that Daddy could not be released to go home in his condition.  The DKA had affected his mental state to the point that he was unable to function normally or care for himself.  My father had to be released to an institution to be rehabilitated and regain his strength.

I was in shock… in shock at how life had turned on a dime… in shock at seeing how Daddy’s health had taken such a rapid turn overnight.  He was such a strong, resilient man.  How could this be happening?  What would it mean for my parents?  What would it mean for John and me??

John and I jumped in and started learning how to take care of my parents and their household, while also maintaining our own home.  We had NO IDEA what we were getting into.  We took over EVERYTHING for them.   All we knew to do was pray and talk to anybody who would listen and ask what needed to be done.   In July 2012, John and I decided to stop renting our place and move into their house, as we were caring for Mama 24/7 and were never home.

Those 2 years and 10 months proved to be tough and gruesome.   I don’t think most people really understand what goes into being a caregiver.  There were scares and close calls with Mama’s life, many ER visits and hospitalizations with both parents, dealings with nursing homes, and on and on.  There are many stories of red tape, long waits, and in the end, just wanting what was best for my parents and wanting everyone whose care they were under to understand that and get on board with us.

Our stress level was through the roof and it was affecting our health and lives in every way possible.  We were completely spent physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Our spiritual lives were not in good shape and we did not have the time for God or church events that we once did, so that connection was not there.  I craved worship.  There were times all I wanted to do was scream or escape, but did NOT want my parents to think they were a burden.  I stuffed my emotions and felt like I was not even myself most of the time.   We received warnings from some that many marriages in our situation did not last.  We were DETERMINED that this would not be our story.

                  In a situation where I didn’t think anything positive could come out of it, God was faithful to His promise that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.  Yes, even in this.  In the midst of all the stress, anxiety, and anger, I was able to talk some things out with Mama privately and God brought healing to parts of my relationships with both of my parents that I don’t know if anyone in my family even knew were damaged.  It is because of this that I am glad I had the opportunity to take care of my parents.  Other than wanting to take care of them because they are my parents, it is because of this that I chose to do it.  I have no regrets.

Almost two years into caring for her at their house, an opportunity opened for Mama to move into the facility at which Daddy was receiving care.  Mama requested to be with him.

June 7, 2014 Mama was in the hospital and not doing well.  They did not know what the outcome would be.  I didn’t tell anyone, but I was secretly hoping that my parents wouldn’t pass because I feared that if they did, I would lose my faith in God completely and walk away from Christianity.   I’m part of a church that believes in divine healing.  After watching her suffer with illnesses for so many years and not seeing her healed, I had been angry with God and didn’t think I could take losing her.

The doctor asked if we wanted to make her a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate Order).  I couldn’t bear the thought of it.  As her power of attorney, if I signed that paper, would it not be the same as me taking her life?  I did not want to be responsible for that.  My sister, Cindy, explained the situation to Mama and Mama said, “Do what you think is best.”  My siblings and I talked about it and spoke to our father, and we agreed.  The decision was made to make her a DNR order.  My only internal question was, when would I have the courage to inform the nurse of our decision?

Without communicating to my family where I was going, I left Mama’s hospital room and went to the hospital chapel to pray and seek wisdom.  I didn’t have the strength to talk about it, and I figured my family would understand I needed time to myself.

When I entered the chapel, I was the only one there.  I sat on the front row and to my surprise, did not cry.  I think I was emotionally numb.  I simply asked God what I should do.  I told Him the family agreed with making her a DNR order, but wouldn’t I, in effect, be killing her?  I told Him I couldn’t do that to Mama.  God very lovingly and gently spoke one sentence to me…  ”It’s okay to let her go.”  Immediately, a peace came over me along with an internal release that it was okay and I would not be harming her.  I looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that I had only been there for a couple of minutes.  I was thankful that God had answered so quickly.  I was thankful for His comfort and peace to see me through.

I left the chapel and returned to Mama’s hospital room.  As soon as I saw the nurse, I informed her that the family agreed to make Mama a DNR order.  THAT WAS THE HARDEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE.

My family and I decided to go to the house to get some rest.  We said our goodbyes to Mama.  I said, “I love you, Mama” … and she mouthed “I love you” back to me.  Those were the last words we would speak to each other on this Earth.

June 8, 2014 at 10:30am, I received THE call… the one I had been dreading.  Mama had passed.  I knew she was in Heaven, but I was devastated.  I didn’t know how to go on without her.  I didn’t know how to act… what to feel… or what to do.  I knew many decisions had to be made, but how would I even have the mental capacity?  All I could do was lie in bed and weep.  Every morning I would wake up and cry.  Depression set in.  There was an outpouring of love and support coming in.  I didn’t even know what to say to people, or what I needed from anyone.  All I could do was mourn.  I had no desire to do anything.  I was in no state to keep up with the house or go to work.  I didn’t want the TV on… no radio… no computer… nothing… I just wanted to mourn.  That was all I could handle for days.  Just when I thought maybe I was starting to feel like I could get more of a handle on my grief, the next call came.

It was twelve days later.  On June 20, 2014 at 4:52pm, the nursing home called.  “We don’t know what’s going on.  Can you come right away?”  Something inside me just knew, although I wanted to deny it.

Upon arrival, what I already knew was confirmed.  He was gone.  It was like someone pushed the reset button on my grieving process.  Both biological parents in twelve days?  How could this be??  How would I get through this??  I pretty much isolated myself and grieved for a long period of time.  I couldn’t function.  I had lost both parents.  I didn’t know how to take it all in and deal with it.

Let me preface this next part by saying that I’m revealing these things because I know that as humans, we all deal with the same things, and I’m sharing how God helped me through it.  This is not intended to startle anyone.

Losing both of my parents had the opposite effect of what I feared it would have.  Rather than losing my faith in God and wanting to get revenge on Him, it SOLIDIFIED my faith.  I don’t know HOW God did it, but He did.  I KNOW that God exists and that Jesus Christ is the healer.

Even though my faith was strengthened, the grief was so deep that I found myself tempted to drink.  I’ve never been a drinker, but the thought crossed my mind to drown the pain and depression by getting plastered.

The night the thought came to me, I was feeling very weak and vulnerable, and the temptation hit strong.  I thought about what alcohol would do for me in the moment, and I thought about the consequences.  I knew I didn’t want to become addicted to alcohol and have my life crumble before my eyes.  I made the decision that I was not going to give in, but didn’t know how to overcome the temptation.

I had recently been listening to Darlene Zschech’s album, Revealing Jesus.  I felt like God was telling me to watch the video and dance before Him.  I didn’t want to, but decided to be obedient.  I started watching the video, and within two minutes of the first song, “God Is Here”, the temptation completely left.  I was reminded of the power of praise and worship and how vital it is to yield to the Holy Spirit in the very moment that He speaks to us.  Without the power and strength of the Holy Spirit, I may very well have given in and lost everything I have.

Later, I began having thoughts that the grief was too much to bear and I didn’t want to be here anymore.  There were many emotions involved, and even though I know there are countless people who care, I somehow became convinced that no one would care.  However, I thought about my husband and how much my family had been through, and I knew I did NOT want to put them through even more pain.

I was surprised by both temptations, but when the suicidal thoughts came I chose to pull myself out of the depth of grief and depression in which I was drowning.  I made the decision that I would NOT allow myself to go that deep into depression again.  I reached out and received the help that I needed.

Having dealt with two serious temptations that I didn’t want to deal with again, I asked God how in the world I was going to get through this.  I knew I could trust Him to see me through it.

God’s Supernatural Healing Power

And He did it!  On June 8, 2015, the one year mark of Mama passing, I was becoming grief-stricken again. I told God I didn’t know what to do and asked for His help. I know there is always worship going on in Heaven, so I decided that at 10:23am, the time that she passed, I would have worship music going to join in with what Heaven is doing.

I put on Kari Jobe’s “Majestic” DVD. At 10:23 am, the song, “Majestic” was playing. When she sang the line, “How majestic is Your Name”, God revealed to me what Mama’s entrance into Heaven was like and what it was like for her to see Jesus for the first time!!  I saw Heaven open and it was a GLORIOUS sight beyond comparison to anything on the Earth!!!  Jubilant dancing and celebration!!!  COMPLETE joy… no pain… no sorrow. Not even remembering her illness or the suffering she endured on the Earth.  My heavy grief immediately lifted and I was happy… happy to know that she is filled with joy and how ecstatic she was when she saw Jesus.  I felt the Holy Spirit infuse supernatural strength in me and I was able to go on.   I was stunned in amazement at God and His supernatural power.  I’ll always cherish “Majestic” as a song that has a special meaning in my life.

That was the beginning of my supernatural healing process. A healing that only God could do.  God was showing Himself strong in my life. What Satan had meant to absolutely destroy me, GOD was turning around for His glory!!

Keep the Faith and Don’t Give Up

I wanted to share this testimony with you for three reasons. One, to share with you how God is getting me through and how I’m doing so well so quickly.

Second, to say that NO MATTER WHAT Satan throws at you in life, KEEP your faith in Jesus and DO NOT give up under any circumstances. It’s by faith that we overcome the world. Without faith, it’s impossible to please God and we do not have the Armor of God.

Ephesians tells us to put on the FULL Armor of God. Without faith, our armor has holes in it, rendering it useless. Faith is essential to stand against the wiles of Satan and his demonic attacks.

And third, to encourage you that the power of God is real.  The Holy Spirit is not weird and His power is nothing to be feared.  We need God’s power to make it in this life, especially the days we’re living in. God’s supernatural power gives you the ability to do what you cannot do in your own strength. He can heal you in the broken areas in an instant where it otherwise would have taken months, or even years. All you have to do is believe His Word and receive His gift.

I received a word for our Women’s Conference, March 16-18, 2017, which has been confirmed by my church leadership.  You may register for FREE at the door!!  (Online registration has closed.)

The conference kicks off on Thursday, March 16 with a Night of Worship featuring my very dear friend and Covenant Love Church’s very own Crisie Hutchings.  To learn more about our Guest Speakers Mercy Lokulutu and Jucara Peixoto, our Conference Schedule and to register, please visit the link below:

http://www.covenantlovechurch.org/events/event/b323e9d3cd7c24093899bd62261f4d11d5a49bfe/city

Word for Face 2 Face Regional Women’s Conference Twenty-17

I received these words earlier this week and wanted to share them with you.  I know many have been fasting and seeking God.  If you feel like you are at the end of your rope and have no hope, or you just can’t hold on any longer, please be encouraged.  Jesus is right there with you and He WON’T let you down.

Stand Fast and See My Glory

“For those who want it, I am coming to them in 2017.  Many have cried out to Me, but many are stagnant, remaining in fear.  For those who want what I have for them, I will come in waves of glory in their lives.  Many will have encounters with Me that they’ve never had before.  Many will have dreams and visions, only test these encounters to make sure they are from Me.  For those who are willing to lay their desires and their wants aside, I will come and manifest My glory in their lives.  Those who are obedient to do what I tell them to do, they will see Me like never before, and it will be GLORIOUS.  Once they see Me the way I’m going to reveal Myself to them, they will never want to go back, for they will see a glory that this earth does not have to offer them.  Do not soon forget what I spoke to you about in the fast, for if you continue to believe and hold onto the word I spoke to you, you will see it manifest.  Do not forget and let go.  For those who are waiting, I do have something greater.  Hold fast.  Stand firm.  Hold steadfast to your faith.  Do not let the enemy come in and steal, kill and destroy.  I have brought you to this place and I will continue to take you higher.  You must be steadfast.  Do not let the enemy come in and shake you.  You must stand FIRM in the faith.  Stay in My Word and remain faithful to the Gospel you have been taught.  Do not back down.  Do not give up.  You will see My power and My glory manifest as you remain in Me, walk in My Spirit and allow the Holy Spirit to manifest His power and glory in your lives.”

Worship is Your Warfare!

“There is freedom in Me, My people!  There is freedom in the dance!  There is freedom in worshiping Me!  Do not worry about what others think about you!  Break loose and worship Me with ALL of your heart, mind, strength, spirit and soul!  I will break the bondages off of you!  Break free and worship Me!  Worship will keep your mind stayed on Me and keep you worry free!  Give your burdens to Me and do not worry about the issues going on in your lives right now!  Worship Me, give Me your worries and I will take care of everything for you!  Your freedom is in your worship!  Worship is your warfare!  Lay it ALL down and worship Me!”

I received this word last night and wanted to share it.  If you are in a place of discouragement, feeling like you can’t hear God’s voice, or don’t even know Him at all, and can’t hear His direction for your life, please let this encourage you in your walk with God.  If you are seeking Him, Jesus is right there with you, guiding you and leading every step.

“Seek Me.  Seek Me without fear.  Do not fear what I will do in your life, for I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord.  Good plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future.  There is no harm in My love, no desire to hurt you or bring destruction into your life.  Trust Me, even though you cannot see.  Trust Me to lead you and guide you in the right direction for your life and that it WILL be the right direction, no matter what it looks like in the natural.  Trust yourself to hear My voice, to know My voice and trust that you will follow Me to the best of your ability.  You do not trust yourself and that’s why you don’t want to do what I tell you to do.  You doubt that you hear My voice.  My sheep hear My voice.  I know them and they follow Me.  You know My voice.  Trust what I tell you and follow Me immediately.”

If this has helped you or ministered to you, please feel free to contact me at the link provided and let me know.  🙂